Duel: a meeting of the minds

“Listen, we’ve been going neck and neck here, finishing one-two we’re clearly in the upper tier, but before we do battle from Atlanta to Seattle, I think it’s best we get it over — finish a score we oughta settle.”

“New phone who dis?”

“It Rafael—better known as Ted—comin’ straight outta Calgary, son of Cuban immigrants being all that I can ever be, it’s time to take a stand before it really gets started, make a final decision — one victorious, the other, departed.”

“Wait — hold up Ted am I hearing this right? You call me up and threaten me with all of your might? I admit I beat you handily at a dozen debates, but stepping to me now will only seal a similar fate.”

“Trump we fight repeatedly but let us forestall, I propose a duel to know once and for all, two of us will enter but one will dominate, then we’ll know which nutcase those republicans can nominate.”

“Fine — Central Park—we’ll meet on the Great Lawn, Golden pistols, identical, brandished at dawn.”

“Why New York? You know their values totally clash, I request a venue change for all this balderdash.”

“OK — new date — new place I insist no subterfuge, but on the beaches of Atlantic City —trust me, it’ll be yuuuuuge.”

NUMBER ONE!

“Wow, are we really doing this?”

“This is great, there’s no way I’ll miss.”

NUMBER TWO!

“Jesus give me strength to pop off”

“Double check — is the safety off?”

NUMBER THREE!

“OK I sure hope this is loaded”

“Thank god handgun rights never eroded”

FOUR!

“Do I be a gentleman and point into the air?”

“Fuck this guy I even hate his hair”

FIVE!

“Steady Teddy, stand strong, both hands, don’t bristle”

“I wonder: does he call his tour bus the Cruz missile?”

SIX!

“God forgive me for what I’m about to do”

“I wish I could shoot those chumps that already withdrew”

SEVEN!

“I hope this slippery jerk decides to play fair”

“I hope this jerk’s shot doesn’t mess up my hair”

NUMBER EIGHT!

“Jesus please be my guide”

“Tomorrow’s papers: Ted Cruz Died”

NUMBER NINE!

“One more step to take”

“Do I have to speak at Ted’s wake?”

TEN PACES— FIRE!

And so their guns they did rise, shots rang out from both guys, as the bullets flew through the skies, SMACK! dual wounds, both between both their eyes.