The Culture War on Halloween


The culture war on Halloween, originally uploaded by mathowie.

Halloween is a time-honored holiday steeped in the traditions of sharing with your neighbor, celebrating childhood with candy and decorations, and generally having a fun time as the days begin to grow shorter.

There is also a culture war that seeks to end this traditional holiday.

Like the above photograph shows, several local churches near me are throwing parties aimed at avoiding this holiday of giving and sharing with thy neighbors, going by the euphemistic term "Fall Family Festival." They offer treats, fun, and games, but they just so happen to throw them on October 31st, during the prime evening trick or treating hours.

Make no mistake, no matter how many years (Norman Rockwell anyone?) Halloween has existed, no matter how harmless toddlers dressed as ghosts and princesses are, no matter, there is spiritual conspiracy behind this new found war on Halloween and it needs to stop. I fear the day is coming when we won't be able to display our Jack O'Lanterns in the town square, when we will be called names for trying to share real American treats like Crackerjack and carmel-covered apples, and when our sons and daughters will ask us why we can't go out and share candy with our beloved neighbors anymore.

We can't let this happen. Heroes, join me in opposing these PC-thugs and their so-called "Fall Family Festivals." This is a nation with a sweet tooth, our founding fathers ate candy (why else would they have wooden teeth?), and your children and grandchildren should too. Keep candy in Halloween!

7 Comments

  • I’ve gone to churches that get nervous about “promoting Halloween”, and I’ve been to my fair share of “fall festivals”. I knew the church I’m going to now is cool when I floated the idea of doing one, and they said, OK great, but let’s just call it a Halloween party, because who gives a damn.

  • Almost sounds like the opposite of the Christmas debate. How many times have you been to a Winter Solstice office party, or received a Happy Holidays greeting card?
    I would imagine that the vast majority of poll respondents would support both Halloween and Christmas. Still, it would be interesting to see if there’s a demographic out there that supports Halloween and not Christmas. (ie, the reverse of the position taken by this church.)

  • What a fun bit of satire. Thanks for making my season bright.

  • Fundamentalist Christians should be very careful about Unpicking Festivals:
    What The Emperor Constantine and The Papacy put together let no man or woman cast asunder
    or You`ll end up in deep doodoo
    and who know`s where it ends
    Hallowe`en is a Scottish Name for All Hallows
    Eve The Evening Proceeding All Saints Day
    This was a Time when The Gates of Purgatory
    was opened and The Gates of Heaven were opened temporalilly between the hours of Sunset and Sunrise:
    Shriven Sinners who had completed their penance or who had with the help of Masses
    Said on their behalf were given the Hours between sunset to make their way on earthly
    terrain in spectral form Between these two
    gates.
    If a goodman or goodwoman came upon this ghostly processing they were forbidden to hold concourse through speech or offer of garment or food as this could delay the
    journeyer, who if they failed to reach the Gates of Heaven before Sunrise were condenmed to spend the next year wandering the earth in a spectral state.
    Now by disguising “Guising” themselves the bereaved could walk alongside voicelessly guiding the Shriven Sinners stopping them from getting trapped in bogs or bushes or entering habitations of the living.
    sometimes a surrogate could be used if the bereaved was old or infirm who would be rewarded by the bereaved by food and hot drink as they passed by.
    This was the origins of Hallowe`en
    Now Look at this Poem
    Samhain
    by Patricia Mills
    I call to you ancient ones,
    The spirits of the dead.
    The time has come once again,
    The veil is but a thread.
    Bring to me your messages,
    My circle is now open.
    I welcome you and honor you,
    My blessings have been spoken.
    O beloved Pan,
    Guardian of the dead.
    Embrace each soul with open arms
    And bring them safely to your stead.
    I light a candle on my sill
    A beacon burning bright.
    To show the way to Summerland
    On this sacred night.
    Where does Sahmain end and Hallowe`en
    begin

  • My grandmother got scared about all those sceletons hanging at the doors, when she visited from overseas. She thought this was a new type of religion.

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