Hello, and welcome to the

Hello, and welcome to the fifth stop on the “Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard” virtual book tour, the virtual book tour that cries itself to sleep at night. My name’s Greg Knauss, and while Matt futilely attempts to keep MetaFilter from eating itself, he’s given me the reins of his A.Whole to shill my book. Also, printer cartridge replacements, unique stock opportunities, penis enlargement and something written in Korean that I can’t read. But mostly my book.

“Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard” — on sale now, still, at So New Media — explores the untrodden literary territory of people who think their own children are cute. It’s the book form of being trapped into going through the six thousand snapshots a friend has of his precious little snoogy-woogy — the kid sitting and then not sitting and then sitting again and then digging around in his nose like he’s expecting to discover precious metal. It’s hell, folks. Run for your lives.

Today’s excerpt is available in MP3 format, thanks to the grinding, obsessive insistence of Mr. Haughey. For the intimate feel of a real bookstore reading, with the rain patting softly against the front window and the owner’s friendly cat curled up on a pillow by the ancient cash register, please click here.

And, now, Q & A:

People have stopped asking questions, haven’t they?

Yes.

That’s because they’re bored silly with this whole “book tour” thing, isn’t it?

Yes.

OK! Thanks for asking! If you’ve got a question you want answered — about anything; I mean it; seriously: your love life, car troubles, antiques, the eternal mystery of God’s indifference to suffering; please, oh please, oh God, just write — send it to greg@eod.com. On Monday, we’ll be at The BradLands, with an extra-special treat!

Assuming we can think of something by then. Otherwise: the same old crap.